Part 1: continued…Dealing with grief after murder.


B) The first couple days have passed and it may seem like you arent getting any better. Stay strong.

Attempt to lay down at least a couple times a day and rest up as much as possible. Short naps help.

Try to take care of yourself. Showers may even seem the furthest thing from your mind just attempt to care for yourself.

As people surround you know your limits and dont be afraid to say ” NO” to things you dont want to do.

Its been a couple days and now maybe even a week. If there are any big decisions to make avoid them.

In most cases of murder, people in your community may lash out and have anger towards you. After a murder people always have to point a finger. Those fingers are typically pointed at the ones closest to the victim. Refrain from social interactions, social media and listening to rumors. These things ignite the anger and make things even more difficult.

Get air and remember to breath. You are still in the first week. You are still very numb and cant eat, sleep, think, write or maybe even move. Its ok. Keep telling yourself ” Its ok” . stay strong nothing lasts forever, you will overcome these emotions as you enter into your next phase.

If you can stay active with a close friend even, if youre not talking or doing much. Riding with them while they run errands. Taking walks, whatever keeps you from being confined alone in any space. Do it.

You’re taking life minute by minute srill working thorugh all these awful emotions.  You can do it. Believe!




  1. Don’t know if this is a personal event or just sharing knowledgeable advise, so please excuse the comment; Since we are all born with the Void within handed down to us from our Spirit of God dead father Adam, a death among us (family, friend) invokes that Voidedness in a most real and profound way. So much that it wants to envelope and consume us. This becomes the primary ingredient in a situation like this. It relies on role play, acceptable role play, so one should be made conscious of this mover and shaker in this event. Drama will be elicited, wrung from us aside from the suffocation of the Void in its attempt to make death a overpowering lord. Death cannot touch us, the Christian. Yes, we die physically but what awaits us is not the thing the Void wishes to give voice to. Within us the Void has a new tenant, God’s Spirit. It is sensible to see, approach the understanding that the Void must be filled with (provided we make efforts with Faith) the Spirit of God. This is accomplished with awakenings, He is there, but only Faith prods will bring His Light to supremacy. Faith needs a target to aim at, that target is enlarged through knowledge, experience. Study the Word, keep a journal. To summarize. The Death which took one from among us intends to cripple some of us, cripple us by taking over our Psyche. Staunch hope, envelope us in despair and darkness, so we must fight against this, not by engaging in silly distractions, put upon us by well intentioned folk, no, but by something more realistic as defining the opposition, seeing our obligation, putting into perspective what we must do and lies before us. If the person trusted in Christ believe that He is better off Home with the Father and Son, now it is up those who remain to make a home not for Death (the wishing to envelope Void) but for the Life of God which is full of promise and not darkness, this is a personal matter, which can be dealt with at home, Church attendance for the time being can be put off, good intending folk can sometimes make things worth.
    Honest, I don’t know why I write all this to you.
    I Hope that it is prompted by the Spirit of God.
    Sincerely; MAO


  2. I can so relate, even though it’s been seventeen years. Things of course do greatly improve with time, but those first few weeks are so difficult. Many blessings of love for you as you move through all the five stages. You are showing so much grace and courage by sharing so openly about such an incredibly tragic experience.


  3. In my newsletter, on some of my writings, I write, “stay strong”, and accompany those words with a photograph that is a good ‘visual reminder’. When surviving trauma, of any kind, one always needs the reminder to stay strong. It is not so much an instruction, but rather, it is a reminder of a time when one was, indeed, strong. Words are funny. A person can read some words, and then another person can read the same words, and yet, both can take them differently and experience them differently than the other does. Thank you for this opportunity to share a reminder….”stay strong”… Peace. . artfromperry


  4. Hello Shannon,
    i admire your bravery and am very sorry for your tragic loss. I know these words may seem empty, but they are all I have in this context. You are providing a needed service, which helps facilitate healing in many.

    Thank you for following my blog. I am interested in doing some guest blogs for you on grief. I write about grief and loss often in my blog, especially within the past year or so. There is no way to contact you ( no place to comment on your guest blog section). So I hope you can provide me a way to contact you.

    lots of love,


  5. Hi Shannon, I am very sorry for your loss and will be praying for comfort and healing for you. In a class on older adults and aging, my professor told us that death doesn’t end a relationship, instead it changes it. One of your posts reminded me of that lesson. You are definitely a strong person to recognize the small things that can help cope with the overwhelming emotions, even if you don’t feel strong 100% of the time. Sending you much love, Marla.


  6. Shannon, just looking at the picture of you and your fiancé shows me how surrounded by love you were/are. His physical exit does not leave you without this astounding love. Yet it drives you to new heights in your soul-reach where he is waiting. Blessings in your recovery. Thanks for recently stopping by my blog. Clearly you are still highly enabled to shine the gift of love.


  7. I feel all the same issues that you describe by the loss of so many people dear to me in the past 4 years-Some by accident, others by disease and still others by age. Either way, it is difficult. Nice post.


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